Money

Something broke my morning ritual at the gym. So used to handing my card to the receptionist for swiping, my forward movement was halted as she sanitized her hands after placing cash in the drawer. Along with her apology for delaying my check-in, she shared her ritual of cleansing immediately after handling money.

Racing through my mind were images of germs bouncing off a greenback infecting those who came into contact with it.

What a metaphor.

So as not to attach to money in an unhealthy way, did the cleansing enable her to let the cash pass through her? Not to horde as a compulsion, but to act as the steward of wealth.

What is your relationship with money? Have you had a conversation with money? When “money talks”, we get surprising insights into our lives, our values, and the essence of prosperity.

Do you have freedom, power and sufficiency in your relationship with money?

Enough

When is enough enough? Most of us spend our lives aspiring for more of something: Money, happiness, cars, houses, power, sex, adventure... And all of us are disappointed at times when we believe we don't have enough, didn’t get enough or don't feel good enough with what we’ve achieved. We are not rich enough, pretty enough, thin enough or talented enough. This feeling of “not enough” is a never-ending cycle, a moving, unattainable target, borne from self-defeating life patterns we ourselves created. Enough already! Explore and change those patterns, and exchange “never-enough” with “I am enough and I have exactly what I need.”

This piece of art is a reminder to pay attention to that part within us that’s always searching for more, and to realize and appreciate what we have. As American intellectual Joseph Campbell said, "We're so engaged in doing things to achieve purposes of outer value that we forget that the inner value, the rapture that is associated with being alive, is what it's all about."

Limiting

Stepping outside your story will be uncomfortable.

Any time you decide to push on the edges of your story, your voices will start to work overtime to keep you inline. To put you back into your ‘comfort zone.’

Staying inside your comfort zone will only limit your experience of life. It’s safe and comfortable, but it's limiting.

In order for you to step outside your story you have to push on the edges of your comfort zone. When you do this, your ego will not like it. It will aggressively signal you to move back to what it knows.

For example, if you learned early in life that ‘what you say doesn’t matter', then you probably don't speak up and say what’s on your mind because your 'story' tells you - it won't matter. If you're a member of a team at work and you don’t speak up because you don’t think what you say matters, then this kind of behavior could have a significant limiting impact on your career.

If do you summon the courage to speak up you'll feel scared and uncomfortable. This is your ego reminding you to go back to what you know.

Staying inside your story limits who you are.

Simplicity on the Other Side of Complexity

"I wouldn't give a nickel for the simplicity on this side of complexity, but I would give my life for the simplicity on the other side of complexity."

I read this complex yet simple quote (versions of which are attributed to both Einstein and Oliver Wendell Holmes), initially nodded in assent but almost missed its point.

I found myself grinding down into the deeper meaning, occasionally losing my bearings, both amused and inspired at how a passage can trigger such discovery. Getting stuck on my own treadmill of thought is frustrating, but seeing the patterns to break free from that hold is a worthy reward.

Then it hit me. That’s how you get to the other side of complexity: go down and in, inquire with curiosity, work through the muck until you appreciate the pattern or trend behind the complexity, and finally, come out on the other side. It’s non-linear; rather, it’s more of a U-shape curve.

I have not found a simple solution. It’s learning the hard way. I suppose Einstein and Holmes understood that.

Time To Talk

Time to talk.
Here I am, 'blogging' away and not sure to whom I am addressing my thoughts. I suppose I'm a product of our time: unlimited access to speak my truth to anyone who'll listen.
I am struck at how we peck away on keyboards or handhelds instead of picking up a phone or better yet, talking face-to-face.
Though I appreciate and welcome the convenience and efficiency of instant, global, ubiquitous communication, I am sad that we traded quantity of information for quality of conversation. There's certainly more said, but with fewer points made.
I find that unlimited access to information comes at a price. I need to self-govern what e-mail, texts, social networks I read or join to filter distractions and clutter.
And, I need to continually remind myself that staying in touch virtually is not always enough to sustain and grow a meaningful relationship.
Let's talk.

But To Risk We Must

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To cry is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out to another is to risk involvement.
To explore feelings is to risk exposing our true self.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk despair.
To try at all is to risk failure.

But to risk we must,
Because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The man, the woman, who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.

They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they cannot feel, learn, change, grow, love, live.
Only a person who risks is free.

Magic

Each and every one of us has a unique gift. A unique gift given to us by God. Are you using that gift? Are you giving the gift to world? Or is it buried deep down inside of you waiting to be discovered. Or you might not even know what it is.

I believe were here to discover that gift and give it to the world. That’s what life is about. Because when you are delivering that gift, when you are offering people that true 'authentic' you part of you, you will feel fulfilled. You will feel fully alive and those people around you will connect with you. Because you are being you. Each and everyone of us has the opportunity to create this magic. There’s a magic that takes place around you when you unfold and deliver your gift.

Passion Rules!

STOP IT

Gossip, rumor and innuendo. Teasing and sarcasm. Dumping, trashing, slamming and bad-mouthing.

Stop it!

Stop talking badly about people, and encouraging others to do so, too. Stop building yourself up by beating others down.

In my retreats and in life, I have seen how negative words affect people on the receiving end. I see a lifetime of ingrained behavior in people who have been beaten down – by parents, siblings, teachers or friends.

All it takes are a few poorly chosen, emotionally charged words directed at a young mind for the seeds to take root. But too often, those words aren’t one-time affairs. They’re continually reinforced, to the point that the child believes such talk. His view of himself has been set.

Just stop it. And start by becoming aware of your words. Listen to what you say. Catch yourself gossiping. When those around you do it, tell them, “I won’t participate in this.” And leave. Take the risk.

Do you see yourself doing it? Ask others to help you. I asked a friend, and he told me that I interrupt and that I can be condescending. I didn’t realize I was acting this way and its impact on others completely escaped me.

So my next step was to Audit my conversations for the next week. This awareness helped change my communication, and impact, with others.

The key here is I asked for feedback, was not defensive, and then I sought to change my actions.

In short, I resolved to Just Stop it.

Reflections on Relationships

I have taken stock in differentiating among my relationships: the ones that work and those that fall short of fulfillment. I have learned that my meaningful relationships have come when I focus more on being ‘known’ rather than being ‘validated’. While it’s flattering to get approval and pats on the back, my relations are more likely to flourish when I concentrate on showing up as I am even if what I show is not always so pretty.

When I express myself - rather than try to impress others - over time, my relationships strengthen and grow in intimacy. Indeed, my passion comes alive and my best stuff is actually seen.

Expressing myself - and being known - has a profound effect on building successful business associations and thriving friendships within proper boundaries.

So, I have learned to do a cognitive reconstruction in how I approach relationships: validation is nice, but being known - really known - comes first.

I suppose it’s no coincidence that the word “know” etymologically means to have been passionate with someone in a loving way as well as acquiring knowledge.

My lesson: when I am ‘known’ ... I end up getting the approval.

Passion rules!

Barry

Born Free

Spencer Morris is 18 years old and just graduated from High School. He was asked by his classmates to deliver a speech at the graduation event. What he said was amazing!

I wish I had this insight and maturity when I was 18!

Here's the speech - it's worth the time to read it:

"Once upon a time in TASIS there was a high school student that graduated with notable grades, he went on to go to university, which was expected from him, and he got a very stable and suitable 9-5 job on Wall Street. The graduate meticulously followed every social rule; he paid his taxes promptly and married the quintessential bride. He went on to buy a house in the suburbs and lived the ideal lifestyle of any contributing member of society.

Unfortunately, for this graduate, his entire existence was not his at all; in fact, every decision, or choice, he had made in his life was based around the image that society instills in everyone at a young age. His idea of success, happiness, truth, and value were all the composite of the world ideal and for this reason his happily ever after never came to fruition, as he been promised.

The reason why this happily ever after never occurred is that: throughout our lives were are given teachers, mentors, schools, and institution in order to guide us into a more constructive life direction. The problem occurs when we leave our individuality for an expected direction. The dilemma that the graduate faces is that he was born free, with every opportunity and vision that he could possess, but, little by little, he bought into an inhumane system, which does not cultivate the individual. Without empathy, the system drew him in and eventually spit him out.

The “Arranged Life” as I will call it, is the greatest lie presented by the world, a world in which we give value a monetary connotation, and success is measured by the amassment of things. At this point please don’t think that I will be giving a lecture on purging yourself of worldly goods, in order to find true happiness. On the contrary, I believe that achieving success in business in an honorable goal for any person who pursues something that they are passionate about.

What I am trying to say is that success is defined by the individual, and in the same way happiness is found by searching for those things in life that move you. The greatest tragedy to befall any person is for him to live a life without purpose or “The Prosaic Existence.” For this reason I believe that being a balanced or “well adjusted” person is the avoidance of the mundane, the routine. A secure lifestyle is simply an illusion that hinders people from driving forward and growing as human beings.

As high school graduates moving on to the “next stage” in life, it is important to remember this: your purpose is realized in finding that one thing that grabs you and moves you, whatever that may be, and follow it fervently as if it were the only thing that matters. In this, happiness is found.

The other day, I was sitting on a lounge chair at the Lido, the only semi-beach we have in Lugano, and I noticed children playing with a soccer ball next to me. What caught my attention was the joy and the excitement the children had in running around with the ball instead of kicking it in the proper way. I realized, the children found happiness in not being confined by our social constructs, for them what they were doing was perfect. They didn’t need to have it any other way.

And this, is where the happily ever after begins. The fallacy is that the value of success is the cost of success. Success is a more taxing and a more time consuming process than the world will lead you to believe. The world will try to impose itself on you; don’t allow the world to shape you, but you must maintain your principles in order to shape the world.

As young adults we must maintain your individual sense of creativity, and unique set of gifts. Do not be self-serving, I am not suggesting that doing whatever you please is perfect for society, but social obligation does not have to be confining. Liberty comes from finding your own way. But, discerning your purpose takes time and honesty, knowledge of ourselves and knowledge of the world.

In this, you will find meaning in life."

Thank you…

So Busy – All The Time

So much to do. So little time. In today's fast-paced world, our lives seem filled with busy-ness. Working, running around, errands. Always doing something, always going somewhere. Sometimes there’s no meaningful result and the end of a frenetic day – just a bag of groceries, a rack of dry cleaning or a briefcase full of work to show for our efforts.

John Lennon once said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." I can get so hectic that I miss the life that is happening right in front of me. Why are you so busy? What part of your life is being ignored while you scurry from plan to plan? Are you trying to prove something – or accumulate something more? Are you avoiding something?

STOP! Hit “Pause.” Take time to reflect, to pay attention to your life. Smell the roses, appreciate what you already have, who you love and who you are. Plan to pause. Life will happen on its own.

Connecting with Dad

Last week our YPO group had our annual mini-retreat in the Keys. We decided to invite our fathers to join us for the day and a half retreat. None of us were sure how this was going to go - in fact it was one of the most chaotic retreats we planned. The chaos was obviously around spending almost 2 days with our Dad's and not knowing how they would react, or how they would feel about doing 'retreat work'. Most of us were scared too.

So we started slowly - cooking lunch on the grill - social time - letting everyone ease into the process. The fathers told stories and jokes. And ate.

Then we started the retreat work. We had everyone bring photos and icons so they could share something unique about them and their life - more storytelling. The fathers were sharing their journey's and wisdom. It was incredible!

Then we went to dinner and the fathers continued to tell stories. Their most precious stories. Their best jokes. We laughed. We ate.

The next morning Barry & Mithcell cooked breakfast for everyone. Then we started the retreat work again - We asked them to tell us "If you were going to pass down the Wisdom of you life to us, so we could pass it onto our kids, what would would it be?"

They told us;
-Love and respect your mother
-Never make a promise you can't keep
-Always tell the truth
-You never go wrong doing the right thing
-Seize the opportunities of life
-Serve and care for others
-Keep material things in perspective
-Rely on God
-You're vote counts

Our Dads' Wisdom passed down from one generation to many others.

Then we sat in a chair, faced our Dad, and told him how much we appreciated him for being our Dad. How much we loved him.

It was a life changing experience for all of us. Emotional, powerful and memorable.

Our culture lacks a way to honor our elders. We dismiss them once they get old. At this retreat, we honored our Dads - our elders. We blessed them and we appreciated them.

This retreat opened my eyes, and heart, to new and expanded relationship with my Dad.

I love you Dad!

Son,
John

Until next time...Passion Rules!

What's the Dow Now?

Our eyes are tied to the pulse of the Dow. Ubiquitous opportunities for a casual glance at the BlackBerry or CNBC ticker tether us to a roller coaster in the middle of a storm without a seat belt. And where goes the Dow, we go … now. That is, our mental, emotional, even physical and spiritual energies ride the fluctuation of this metric.

And – day to day, or moment to moment – does this barometer impact our essential state of being? Does crossing the psychological barrier of 8,000 or 10,000 – in either direction - merit a change of outlook on life?

No. And yet, we have invited this dynamic into our lives by placing disproportionate importance on a simple ‘number’ that is not life changing or threatening.

Directing energy to that which I have no control – and that does not really control me (unless I allow it to) - is toxic. If I choose to ignore the Dow, it may not stop the storm, but I will get surely be off the roller coaster. I can do it now.

Passion Rules,

Barry

What's Inside, Wants Out

A friend of mine, Joe Gemingnani, sent me this picture the other day (I wish I would have created it).

When I saw it, it reminded me of me.

I can put on a mask to the world that everything is fine, when on the inside I’m frustrated, pissed off, angry, stressed out, embarrassed and upset.

And that was just yesterday.

Everyone I work with has been impacted by the economy – either directly or indirectly. People are scared, frustrated, embarrassed and facing uncertainty about the future. They are drained fatigued overwhelmed and exhausted. They have experienced loss of income, financial wealth, nest eggs, jobs, business and dreams to name a few.

They are working harder then they’ve ever worked and it’s not working. Their relationships are impacted. They are confused, lost and unsure how to deal with the mess.

I'm sure you can relate to this too.

So what we do is 'put on our masks' and do our thing. Sometimes it works, but for most of us it doesn't.

It's an empty and inauthentic way to live.

We need to learn appropriate vulnerability so we can process our emotions in a healthy safe way. Holding them inside will only lead to problems. It's like tying to hold a beach balls underwater - they will eventually pop out.

In our retreats, and coaching work, we guide people to reframe this distorted picture to see the insights, opportunity, gift and lessons in the chaos.

You can do it too.

Thanks for the picture Joe!

Until next time. Passion Rules.

John

Toxic Media Diet

The media we consume every day – TV, radio, magazines, newspapers, even the Internet, BlackBerry and videogames – can be toxic and consume our precious time. And in today's environment, the media is giving us an extra dose of negativity. It seems like no matter where you turn, it's all negative. We have enough negativity in our lives right now without purposely adding it to our diet.

Consider the media you consume, because your mind becomes a reflection of the media itself. What we feed our minds affects us in so many ways. It influences what we say and how we project ourselves – externally and internally. We behave in alignment with what we see. The negative influences pervade our souls and our interactions with others.

Sadly, we’re ignorant to what we’ve done, unknowingly relented in the battle for our minds.

So is the media toxic to your spirit? Or is it a wellspring of knowledge and enlightenment?

Up for a challenge? Try this: Avoid TV for 10 days. Give it a try and see how you feel. And be deliberate about the other media you consume. Choose content that feeds your mind in a healthy way and gives you the energy you need to support yourself in this chaotic environment.

Today’s the day to turn off toxic media and stay mentally healthy!

Until next time. Passion Rules!

John

Ask for What You Want

Do you ask for what you want? Kids do it well. By the time we’re adults, we learned to hold back on asking for what we really want. We’re taught that it’s ‘against the rules’ or rude to confront authority; we learn to fear that we won’t get what we want even if we ask. After a while of sitting back, we forget to ask ourselves about what we want – until the part of us that knows … goes numb.

Kids have an innocent sense of entitlement and can freely access what they want in the moment. Unbridled by fear of rejection or sense of boundaries, kids check-in with their wants in real-time, so much so that they often can’t sit still.

It took me a while to figure out what I wanted in the big picture of life. It started with admitting that I wanted to know. I realized that if I knew, I might actually have to do something about it – and that was scary. Once I overcame the fear, I observed from my daughter that kids just know and ask for or do what they want. So, before tackling the big project of life purpose, I started small by asking for what I wanted here and now. By practicing to attune with what I wanted in the present - like exercise of underused muscles - I am able to access, formulate and ask for what I want … from life.

Ask for what you want and you just might get it.

Passion rules!

Barry Kaplan

Perspective

One of my hobbies is photography. Last week I was watching a documentary on James Nachtwey, one of the most renowned 'war photographers' in the world.

His work is hard to look at and yet it's captivating. I think it's important to look at it. It's important to see what we do to each other when we are scared, angry, greedy and desperate.

www.jamesnachtwey.com

His work helps me 'reframe' my world because I clearly take what I have for granted. Lately I've been obsessing over what we've lost and with the uncertainty of what else is going to happen. In addition, I worry about what I don't have - "I don't have enough (fill in the blank) and I need more (fill in the blank).

When I shift my perspective and look at everything we have, then I shift from a state of fear and scarcity to gratitude and abundance.

It's a new perspective for me - and it feels great.

In today's economic environment it's easy for me to get caught up in what we've lost and the fear of what's going to happen to us, our money and our stuff....when in reality - it is what it is. We'll be fine (You'll be fine too). Sure it's hard. It's a pain in the ass and I don't like it, but it's not life threatening. And we have everything we need to get through it. And we will get through it (You will too). And besides, it's nothing compared to what he (boy in the photo) went through.

Shift your perspective....it will change your life.

Until next time....Passion Rules!

John

Time to Trust

The more I read, the more I speak with colleagues, friends and family, the more I observe in the shops and markets … the more convinced I am that it is time to trust - again.

We witnessed a perfect storm of greed, denial and lack of transparency that has left us in a state of paralysis. We are afraid to step out and take action or risk. How could we? Many have lost jobs, homes, portfolios and prospect of early retirement. For those who may not have tangible losses or for whom standard of living is not threatened are still stymied by the pervasive message of fear and doom.

I believe we co-created this dynamic. And, only we can get us out of it.

We could blame our leaders – or even the system – for hiding or manipulating the truth. That’s easy, but it offers no solution. We, as a society, invited greed by too often believing in the incredible – that which exists only in our minds. And, even with sure tell signs that our greed was getting the better of us, we stayed in denial, hanging on to the mirage as a safe way to avoid reality.

So, we’re faced with the consequences. And, we simply don’t know whom to trust. We’re even finding it hard to trust ourselves. And, I believe that’s where it starts: with each of us.

We can accept this as our fate - and watch the forces continue to cripple us; or, we can choose to reignite our powerful imaginations and rebuild. I know there must be a “silver lining” in the cloud that I helped produce. For me, it is to be stay centered and conscious in reality without losing my vision or giving up on my dreams. In that spirit, I can trust myself - and, all those who trust themselves.

As we inaugurate our 44th President and usher in a new era, it’s a good time to trust.

Passion rules!

Barry Kaplan

Another Birthday!

I turned 55 today. Whoa!

In my head I don't feel 55, but my body sure tells me a different story - bald spots, sore joints, wrinkles, gray hair everywhere and an expanding waist - it all seems to be shifting to my belly - that sucks!

I'm much more aware of the passage of time. How fast it goes and just how precious time is. One day your born......then you die.

When I was watching the USAir story on CNN yesterday, I felt a chill in my body. I've taken that USAir flight from LaGuardia to Charlotte. I fly USAir all the time. I take for granted that each time I fly, I will get to my destination. The reality is....there is no guarantee, no certainty.

So this story was another reminder for me to be aware that ----- my gift of life is NEVER to be taken for granted ------- That instead of feeling older at 55 - to appreciate living for 55 years - to appreciate my life experiences - and to appreciate each moment I continue to experience. 

So thanks for listening - it helps to get this in writing and to share it!

Until next time - Passion Rules!!

John

Truth be Told

Truth. The naked truth. The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. What is it about Truth that we labor at masking - only to later painfully unveil?

We withhold the truth ostensibly to protect the innocent from getting hurt, yet often we carry residual guilt each time we leave truth behind.

Truth can hurt, but ultimately untruths have even more unintended consequences that become uncontrollable and unpredictable.

Truth divides. Truth unites. Truth tells all. Truth liberates. Truth heals wounds like no other antidote. Truth frees us from cloaks of secrecy that hold us back from growing.

When I tell a lie, I get a pit in my stomach. Unless, of course, it’s a big lie; then, I develop heaviness in my chest. I can expel either blockage just by speaking my truth. Why is it so difficult to tell the truth?

What pain we go through and countless energy we expend to wrap the truth in layers of lies.

Born innocent and free, we begin life with our whole truth. Over time, we learn how to hide behind the truth – out of fear, convenience, embarrassment or shame. When we hide our Truth, we end up blocking our true essence from which our power can never be unleashed.

When I see another for his truth, I honor the person fully.
Imagine if we told our truth in the boardroom and the bedroom – to our customers and suppliers; to our kids and parents … to ourselves.

The truth is so difficult, we legislate it. When we give testimony in a court of law, we’re asked to “solemnly swear to tell the truth”. And, folks go to jail every day for perjury.

What about the half-truth: does that mean half-lie?

So the reality of our world is that we pack lots of lies hidden behind a closet full of masks. I believe these lies clog the pipes of pure flow: communication; commerce; creativity and innovation; and even love. If we choose to unclog those pipes, we invite flow back into our lives.

I know that I choke myself with lies. I also know that I can choose to breathe with truth.

Truth connects me with my inner divine. I feel most spiritually connected when I have reveled in my Truth.

Chief Joseph of the Nez Perce said it succinctly: “It does not require many words to speak the truth.”

Nothing compares to the unarmed truth. Truth resonates in every cell of our body and enlightens us deep in our souls; truth that reminds us that our essence is … love.

Passion rules!

Barry Kaplan